I don't have cable. In fact, I no longer have television, since I never bothered to obtain that doohickey that converts analog to digital, or whatever. I do watch a lot of movies on my DVD player, so I'm not that hopelessly out of touch with the zeitgeist, if that's the word I want.
So I really only watch television when I'm visiting people who also watch it. And I have to say I've become semi-addicted to the show "House Hunters" on HGTV. I don't know whether the comedy is intentional, but I find this show absolutely hilarious. If you don't know the premise, it involves people looking to buy a house who get taken around to three properties by a real estate agent who presumably works from a list of all their real estate wants and needs. Tension builds as viewers try to guess which house the hunters will buy. At the conclusion of the show, that choice is revealed, and the final shots show the couple/family/swinging single/retiree a few months later happily ensconced in their/his/her new home.
The truly funny part of the show involves the list of essentials the hunters ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE in their new homes. Like granite countertops in the kitchen. And stainless steel appliances. What is this obsession with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances? Like you can't produce a meal without them?
And the bathrooms, particularly the one in what's known as "the master suite." If the master bathroom doesn't have a "spa tub" and double sinks, it might as well be a two-holer in the back yard. Again, I don't get it with the double sinks. Do I really want to watch my honey spitting toothpaste while I'm blow-drying my hair? I don't think so.
Another obsession is the one with "open floor plans." An open floor plan is one in which the kitchen, living room, and dining room are all one big space with no divisions. Apparently this is good for entertaining, on the grounds that you can't be separated from your guests for the time it takes you to pour them a drink (because you think they can't be trusted with your valuables?), and that you really, really, really want thirty people crowded into your kitchen while you're putting the finishing touches on the coq au vin, whipping up the vinaigrette for the field greens, keeping an eye on the baguette in the oven, and uncorking the wine. Call me surly. Call me inhospitable. But if my kitchen gets invaded by thirty people while I'm trying to get a meal together, some of them are going to end up in the oven with the baguette.
Another must-have is the "man room," usually a finished basement where the male half of a husband and wife team can put his 72-inch-screen tv, electronic games, and pool table. There is also such a thing as a "girl room," essential to those who are really into scrapbooking.
Don't get me started on the obsession with crown molding, tray ceilings, and walk-in closets.
You could play The Drinking Game while you were watching this show. Except you'd be comatose by the end of it.
So I really only watch television when I'm visiting people who also watch it. And I have to say I've become semi-addicted to the show "House Hunters" on HGTV. I don't know whether the comedy is intentional, but I find this show absolutely hilarious. If you don't know the premise, it involves people looking to buy a house who get taken around to three properties by a real estate agent who presumably works from a list of all their real estate wants and needs. Tension builds as viewers try to guess which house the hunters will buy. At the conclusion of the show, that choice is revealed, and the final shots show the couple/family/swinging single/retiree a few months later happily ensconced in their/his/her new home.
The truly funny part of the show involves the list of essentials the hunters ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE in their new homes. Like granite countertops in the kitchen. And stainless steel appliances. What is this obsession with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances? Like you can't produce a meal without them?
And the bathrooms, particularly the one in what's known as "the master suite." If the master bathroom doesn't have a "spa tub" and double sinks, it might as well be a two-holer in the back yard. Again, I don't get it with the double sinks. Do I really want to watch my honey spitting toothpaste while I'm blow-drying my hair? I don't think so.
Another obsession is the one with "open floor plans." An open floor plan is one in which the kitchen, living room, and dining room are all one big space with no divisions. Apparently this is good for entertaining, on the grounds that you can't be separated from your guests for the time it takes you to pour them a drink (because you think they can't be trusted with your valuables?), and that you really, really, really want thirty people crowded into your kitchen while you're putting the finishing touches on the coq au vin, whipping up the vinaigrette for the field greens, keeping an eye on the baguette in the oven, and uncorking the wine. Call me surly. Call me inhospitable. But if my kitchen gets invaded by thirty people while I'm trying to get a meal together, some of them are going to end up in the oven with the baguette.
Another must-have is the "man room," usually a finished basement where the male half of a husband and wife team can put his 72-inch-screen tv, electronic games, and pool table. There is also such a thing as a "girl room," essential to those who are really into scrapbooking.
Don't get me started on the obsession with crown molding, tray ceilings, and walk-in closets.
You could play The Drinking Game while you were watching this show. Except you'd be comatose by the end of it.